MyFoothold: The Desire For Change.

“ Where did it go so wrong?” you may be asking yourself. “How did I go from wanting to make the life of my aging parent (or spouse) better by helping them as much as I can to hating my life, wanting to run away from it all and go back to a time when life was much simpler, when I had time to do things for myself, time to enjoy my life.

I know this thought camped out in my head for a long time while I was becoming increasingly angry and isolated, confused about being upset at doing the very thing that I wanted to do. How was that even possible? I tell you how — I had let thing get out of control. I had become too involved in caregiving that I was no longer ME.

I had had enough, for a long time IN MY EMOTIONS, but I did nothing to change that until I had had enough IN MY MIND and was ready to do something about it and decided to change how I approached caregiving.

And when you are ready, CHANGE can happen for you, as it has happened for me and for the many family caregivers I have had a pleasure of working with.

And I am also pleased to see change here in the Finding A Foothold Community with the increase in the number of caregivers who have joined the free community in 2022 and who have subscribed to the podcast. Another change in Finding A Foothold was the launch of a 6-Week group coaching program called, UN-Losing You In Caregiving.

I needed this more than I realized.

4 Ways to Produce Change in Caregiving

Believing that change is possible and that it has to start inside of you is the beginning. There must be a mindset that realizes that change does not just happen because you are tired of something being the way that it is, but begins when you act. Start with these 4 steps:

Be honest when tasks are too hard for you to do.

Be honest with yourself about the specific things put too much stress on you. What tasks are too difficult or take too much time away from your schedule, from your life? Learn the power of saying no to doing things that are not essential.

Explore options for simplifying tasks.

Look for ways of making that task easier or delegating that task to others. Ask yourself, why are you doing some of the things a certain way? Have you looked at equipment or other options to make tasks easier? Is there someone available to do that task instead of you or that can pay the expense of having someone else do the task?

Make plans to be doing more of what you want and need in your life.

Make plans to do things for yourself first, then add in caregiving duties around essential events in your life. There are people in your life that need you and relationships that are at risk of being lost forever if you don’t make them priority in your life. Don’t wait until you finish doing everything related to caregiving before you make time for these important things, because there will always be something that has to be done in caregiving and you’ll end up never having the time to do things for yourself.

Be patient if change doesn’t happen right away.

Things may not work out the way you desire the first time. There may be some resistance from the one you are caring for, but continue with change. You may have to tweak things before things work according to plan. Don’t give up.

Bottom line:

Change begins internally. This can involve recognizing a need for change and developing a new perspective on a situation. Once you have a clear understanding of what you want to change and why, you can start taking steps to make that change happen. This may involve setting goals, making a plan, and taking action to move towards your desired outcome. It's important to be patient with yourself as you work towards change, as it can take time and effort to make lasting changes in your life. It's also important to be kind to yourself and recognize that change is a process, not an event, and that it's normal to have setbacks or challenges along the way.

Listen to Episode 46 of the podcast for an inside look into changes in the Finding A Foothold Community!

Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.