MyFoothold Blog: Moving from the Winter of Caregiving into Your Spring Season
There are definitely seasons of caregiving when things go pretty smoothly. You are assisting your loved one to do certain tasks, managing to weave those tasks into the structure of your life and you get them done. Yes, you are tired some days, but there is time for recovery before needing to assist again. That’s life, we are not on this earth to just do things for ourselves. It actually feels good to help someone else—especially a parent or spouse.
But then suddenly things can begin to change. You find that caregiving is becoming more challenging, things are taking much longer to do, you find yourself not being able to keep up with everything that must be done and you are beginning to have some negative feelings about caregiving — signs that you have entered into a winter season of caregiving.
In my life, that Winter season in caregiving came when my mom was going through an exacerbated illness, things were changing in her health, she was becoming weaker and having hospital admits. I was now having to juggle so many things.
That Winter season also came for me when things were changing in my life —changes on my job, changes in my family dynamics and even changes in my health.
It was important to realize that just as in the natural, those Winter seasons wouldn’t last forever. There were ways of allowing bits of Spring to come forth in my life —times of renewal, freshness and newness of life.
This is my year. Things have to change.
4 Tips To Move from the Winter to Spring Season of Caregiving
If we are not careful, we can develop a winter mindset and we can begin to think things are not going to change. We can get use to struggling to do everything and forget to take care of ourselves and enjoy life. There are things that we can actually do to promote Spring occurring in our lives. We can cause Spring to spring forth in our life and cause sprouts of green to occur, even though there is still the brown and grey of winter present. Here are tips to use to help step into Spring events for your life.
Reflect on current caregiving experiences and lessons learned.
When things become more difficult, determine what specifically has changed, resulting in the struggles you face. As caregivers we can easily think that we “fail” at caregiving and we can become very critical of ourselves. We must caution against that and look at the lessons we are learning —yes, look at this Winter season as a learning experiences. We are learning what is not working so that we can devise an alternate plan and determine what will work. Now is the time to rethink your role, rethink your current team player roles, receive training from an expert in an area of struggle, add in the additional support that is needed or removing tasks from the list that are no longer practical to do.
Focus on Your Needs.
When we begin to neglect our needs, it can bring in a prolonged winter season in our life. We must realize that our needs change over time. We can have new responsibilities out side of our current caregiving duties that must now take priority. We must factor in time for appointments which will allow us to better take care of our health. We may even develop a new set of needs that were not present in earlier stages of caregiving. Often times caregivers need a listening ear —a support group or scheduled intervals of time to talk with a trusted friend even if done virtually.
Reconnect with other family members and friends.
Disconnecting from others you care about can take you into a winter season in your caregiving. Making sure that you set aside time to connect with friends and other family members is the spark that you need to allow Spring to blossom in your life. Spending quality time with a spouse, children and grandchildren can make you feel alive and provide that boost of energy you need.
Set new goals and plans.
We cannot always wait for the winter season of caregiving to pass, for things to get better, before we decide to make plans to do things that we enjoy in life. Sometimes we have to make those plans in the middle of the Winter season. There's an energy that returns to our life when we decide to make plans to spend time away from caregiving duties. We can cause those browns and greys of Winter to move out of the way, just like what happens when a new plant emerges from underground.
There may already be events on the calendar for this year that you would like to attend. Start talking with your support team, other family members. Make your desires known. See what respite services are available. See what funding can be raised to allow for hiring of caregiver services to allow for you to get away. Speak out. It does take more planning when you are a caregiver and people will not know how you are feeling unless you tell them. Speak up so that you can make things happen for yourself.
Bottom line:
Caregiving can bring some Winter seasons, which often includes sadness, physical exhaustion and isolation. We can limit these Winter seasons by looking at the big picture. Look at what is no longer working in the day-to-day act of caregiving and make changes to make life easier. Also take a look at your personal life. Who are those people you truly miss spending time with? Reconnect to them. Spend time with them creating new memories and rekindling bonds that you once had and make plans for new events in your life. Focusing only on caregiving will make your life feel grey and lifeless. Add spark and energy back into your life, allow Spring to burst in and take you on some fun adventures, doing things that you have placed on the back-burner much too long.
As a caregiver coach, I appreciate opportunities to interact with fellow caregivers and use my experiences and training to provide support wherever possible. Please be sure to reach out for further assistance if needed! Join the Finding A Foothold Community.
Listen to Episode 48 of Caregivers Finding A Foothold Podcast which speaks to this same topic.
Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.