MyFoothold Blog. When an Aging Parents Is Resistance To Change.

They don’t like change, most aging parents. They can be very set in their ways. They can have a routine and don’t want to deviate from it one bit. It can feel like pulling teeth without novocaine when it comes to getting them to change the way things are done.

It can be very frustrating, and a hardship on you when the way things are being done requires excessive time and places increased strain on you physically, especially when you know there is an easier way to do thing that require your assistance.

In comes another strand of grey hair at just the thought of having that same conversation with them —trying to “convince” them that you are right and they are all wrong.”

It’s easy to think — they just need to stop being so stubborn.

There may be a little truth to that stubbornness but there is likely other underlying causes that needs to be explored when proposing changes —not to mention some stubbornness with you (me).

So if you are getting no where, and tensions are mounting when you mention areas of change, maybe a change in approach is due.

This blog was inspired by a call into the Finding A Foothold Podcast, from a daughter whose mother is resistant to making changes in the home which would reduce the back strain placed on the daughter and allow daughter to better take care of her health. (I know the feeling!!!)

Why won’t she listen? This is killing me!

4 Tips To Help Aging Parents Embrace Change

When an aging parent resists change, it can be challenging for caregivers who are striving to make their lives easier. With the right approach and strategies, it is possible to encourage aging parents to embrace changes that can improve both their own well-being and make your days lighter. You are more likely to see change happen when you start with open and caring conversations, using a respectful tone when discussing the situation.

Acknowledge your parent's perspective:

It is important to understand why your aging parent may be resistant to change. They may have habits and routines that are deeply ingrained. Try to look at things from their view point by allowing them to express their concerns, fears, and preferences. Do they feel as if their independence is being taking away, that they are losing control of their lives? Show empathy by actively listening and validating their emotions, which can help build trust and show that you are not trying to control their entire life. Understanding their perspective is crucial in finding common ground for implementing changes. By acknowledging their perspective and being patient, you can build trust and work towards a solution that works for everyone.

Prioritize Safety Concerns:

It is important to prioritize safety and ensure that your aging parent is not putting themselves or you at risk for injury. It is important that you discuss those tasks that pose the highest degree of injury risks first. Are you having ongoing aches and pains that are a result of the way a task is being performed? Are you performing tasks that result in you having emotional stress? Have frank conversations about the physical and emotional strain that occurs and the need to lower the continued risks.

Compromise and Find Alternative:

Provide your parent with options and resources. Encourage collaboration by involving your parent in decision-making and allowing them to contribute their ideas and preferences. Do not be insistent on them doing things your way entirely, compromise by considering their input. Start proposing small changes if possible then gradually introduce other changes. This gradual collaborative approach empowers them, fostering a sense of ownership over the changes and increasing their willingness to participate.

Involve other family members or healthcare professionals in the conversation:

Sometimes, your elderly parent may be more receptive to advice if it comes from someone else. Maybe they are just tired of hearing things from you! Is there another family member or a close friend that they are more receptive to? Should the recommendation come from a physical therapist, occupational therapist or doctor? A trusted source of advice can make a difference in your parent's willingness to accept suggestions.

Bottom line:

Your aging parents may be stuck in their ways, it is what makes them who they are. But when their way of wanting things done results in undue stress being placed on you in the delivery of care, something needs to change. This change can be difficult for your parents to accept, but does not mean that they are simply “being difficult”, but that a change in the approach you are using may be needed. It is important to be firm about implementing changes that protect your physical and mental health. Explore the reasons for the resistance and work together with your parent to arrive at a solution that keeps you and them safe. It’s about compromising!!!!

As a caregiver coach, I appreciate opportunities to interact with fellow caregivers and use my experiences and training to provide support wherever possible. Please be sure to reach out for further assistance if needed! Join the Finding A Foothold Community.

Listen to Episode 50 of Caregivers Finding A Foothold Podcast which speaks to this same topic. A caller who is a daughter who has returned home to care for her mother is having difficulty getting her mother to see the importance of making changing in the home that would make it easier for daughter to care for her.

Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see what is appropriate and safe for you.