Taming The Caregiving Storm
Louisiana has just incurred a storm -- Hurricane Ida which has caused much destruction and damage to our coastal parishes. We hate storms, they cause so much damage to property and even loss of life. There are power outages, road closures, and flooded areas. It can be very difficult to resume normal everyday life activities which includes work, school and caring for your family when there are such barriers to overcome. As we have well learned in Louisiana, there are things you can do to lessen the disruption of your life during the storm. But dealing with the aftermath of a storm takes planning and organizing and the help of others because it can be a long road of recovery.
Caregiving is also a storm, which touches many of our lives and, like a storm, it can be very disruptive. We must work with that same tenacity we do in a natural storm to ensure that we protect the well being of our spouses, children and other important relationships while we are caring for our aging parents. This too can be very difficult to do, because caregiving can also be a long road of recovery.
So how do we survive the caregiving storm when we have a parent who is placing unrealistic demands upon us? We have to set limits.
As a wife and a parent, you must work hard to maintain health relationships with your spouse and children. Guard against trying to make every desire of your parents the number one goal of your life.
It is Important to Set Boundaries On Care.
You must set limits. It is important that you take inventory of the tasks that you are assisting your parents to do.
Determine which tasks are “wants” and which tasks “need” to be done.
Do you have to cook the breakfast every morning?
Does Mom/Dad need a shower every night?
Do you have to keep the same chore schedule that they had? Does Mom/Dad have to have that elaborate meal every morning? Does Mom/Dad need to continue to go get hair done every week?
Can you vary the times? Can things be done bi-weekly? three times a week? Are they safe to do some tasks without your assistance.
Determine if there is equipment that can be purchased or changes in the house layout which will allow them to do things safely without you.
Ask for occupational or physical therapy services.
Can grab bars be put in?
Should the bedroom or den be rearranged or decluttered? Do they need a seat in the tub or shower?
Do they need a better bed — taller or lower one.
Get help.
Explore the cost of someone to come in and assist with cleaning, bathing, yard work. Order groceries online to be delivered. Order precooked meals.
Are there family or church members who can help?
Bottom line: You can’t do it all. You can’t ride this storm out alone. If you try, it will be at the cost of other important relationships in our life. Yes, it is important that we help our parents, but we can not “do” all their wants. Be mindful of the needs and desires of your husband and children.
You have to set boundaries and these boundaries do change as their health or your life situation changes. There will often come a time when what you are able to do may not be enough. There may be a time when longterm placement or full-time caregivers may be needed.
Consuela Marshall, Occupational Therapist, Caregiver
Listen to the Caregiver’s Finding A Foothold Episode 20: Taming the Caregiving Storm. The podcast is available on the FindingAFoothold.com website and on all major podcast streaming sites.
The podcast is available on the FindingAFoothold.com website and on all major podcast streaming sites. Learn how to call the call-in line to tell your caregiving challenge and receive a free response to your struggle on an upcoming podcast show. The call in button is located on the website.
Visit the consult page of the website, find out how to schedule a free 15 minute consult to discuss in more depth your caregiving challenge and receive help developing a caregiving plan specific for your needs.
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Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.