Parents Must Cooperate In Their Home Safety
When parents are aging, have a debilitating diagnosis or have undergone an injury or surgery, they are not able to move about in their homes like they use to.
They make their own decisions, but they have bodies that are weak, frail and with pain —bodies that just don’t cooperate with what they want to do.
They have already fallen, many times. It’s only a matter of time before they fall again. Suggestions you or therapists have made have all been rejected by them.
I see this often. As a home health therapist, I encounter many elderly patients who are desperately trying to hold onto their independence, but rejecting sound advice to make changes in their routine or changes in their surrounding that would in fact improve their functional skills. I saw this when my mom still lived by herself, being on the floor several hours after slipping off the bed. I arrived to a patient’s home just last week to find her on the floor, unable to get up.
Change is hard on them I know, they are accustomed to doing things a certain way for a very long time. And it can be hard for them to adjust to the fact that they can not control their bodies, and they are feeling like they are losing control of their lives.
Many have furniture arrangements in their houses that have been in the same location for years and they don’t desire to rearrange things. Some don’t want safety equipment and some don’t want anyone coming into their home to help them out. Some even reject call alert buttons.
The problem that occurs is unsafe and THIS IS HARD ON THE ADULT CHILD. There is a lot of anxiety and stress that occurs in the adult child who is at work, worried about their parents. The actions of the parent significantly impact the well-being of the adult child. It’s not fair.
There is no easy answers, no one size fits all answer to this situation. But something needs to change. It time for a different approach.
Avoid telling your parents what to do in a direct way, initially. Taking a more gentle approach of making recommendations is the best approach to start with. No one likes being told what to do all the time. Making a suggestion that a piece of equipment be used or that a change be made in the home is sometimes easier to be accepted. Use a soft tone and seeking their input on how and what things can be done is where to start.
Have a professional speak with them. It is not uncommon for a parent to resist information given to them by their children. Seek the assistance from a therapist or their physician if needed. If you are suspecting hazards in the home, seek the advise of a physical or occupational therapist who can come into the home and perform a home safety evaluation. Speaking to their physician about falls which have occurred in the home can set the stage for the physician to have a firm discussion with them on home safety options.
Make the needed changes. There may come a point when you have to be firm and make plans to have the changes needed in the home done. It is best to get their input and to allow them to agree to the change, but when this has not happened, a final discussion needs to be made about permanent changes that will take place if repeated falls or dangerous situations continue to occur.
Explore Other Options. In-home care services and safety monitoring devices are options to be explored. There also comes a point when they are no longer safe in the home and outside options need to be explored — longterm care placement may be needed.
Bottom line: Your parents have a part to play when determining how long they can safely live alone in their home. Refusal to make adaptions in their life and in their home to allow for safety to be priority, can result in them sustaining life altering injuries or even death. When you have done all you can to help them, and their actions are resulting in undue stress in your life due to concerns for their safety, it is time to make a change.
Consuela Marshall, Occupational Therapist, Caregiver
Listen to the Caregiver’s Finding A Foothold Episode 21: Parents Have A Part To Play in Their Home Safety. The podcast is available on the FindingAFoothold.com website and on all major podcast streaming sites.
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Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.