How to care for your loved one who has had a stroke.
How to care for your loved one
who has had a stroke.
I hate them — strokes.
They come from out of nowhere, they happen quickly and have such devastating effects. They change lives — the person who has had the stroke and the whole family. One day everything is normal and things are fine, then the next second a train wreck has occurred. It leaves you in a state of disbelief, your world is suddenly turned upside down.
A stroke is an injury to the brain, cause by a disruption to the flow of blood to the brain. Blood vessels that carry the blood to the brain can become clogged or rupture, and the oxygen that the blood brings to the brain is no longer available.
“No two strokes are exactly alike.”
And in the case of my Mom, she had four stokes. Each stroke was different — two strokes major and two were minor, and she had permanent changes in her body with each one. Mom was in inpatient rehab for 1 month. She then came to live with me for 1 month after the first stroke, which caused major changes in her ability to walk. Even as an occupational therapist, it was quite an adjustment. I had to make some adjustments to my family and my work schedule to accommodate for her needs. My mom worked hard in therapy and with me working with her at home, she recovered fairly well and was ready to return home.
My mom returned to her home after that month, with help from my sisters. Modifications were made to her home due to her requiring use of a wheelchair and a walker. She eventually recovered most of her strength, but her vision and her balance were never the same. She functioned reasonably well for several years. My sisters assisted her with maintaining her household tasks, but it was very difficult for them because my mom often refused help and was not receptive to a lot of change.
“The problems you will see is based on what area of the brain is damaged.
Some fully recover and others are left with some deficits.”
Overtime, as the strokes and falls continued, my mom’s mobility status and cognitive reasoning skills continued to declined. She fought hard to hide her struggles but it became more and more evident, with it becoming increasingly more difficult for her to care for herself. My mom was getting weaker, had other health concerns and was not compliant with medications and her diet. The time eventually came when it was no longer safe for Mom to continue to be in her home.
“My mom came to live with me.”
Having help from my husband, my children and visiting sisters was a key part of caring for my mom. She was often much more receptive to input from them than she was of receiving input from me. And I also hired paid caregivers to help with her care. I had to learn quickly that I could not do it alone.
While it is definitely a challenge to care for a loved one who has had a stroke, keeping a healthy balance of caring for yourself while providing for your loved one’s needs can make the journey easier. You must realize that you can not compensate for every loss in their lives, but you can support them and provide assistance within the scope of what you are able to safely do — mentally and physically.
So take a deep breath, realize that you don’t have to do it all. There is no “one way” to care for your loved one. How and where the care is provided should be based on the severity of the level of care that is needed, your capabilities to provide that care and the support that is available to help you.
Please know that the setting in which the care is provide can also vary and that it can change along the way as their needs and your life circumstances change. Caregiving does not always mean that they stay in their home, enter your home, or enter a long-term facility — but it can, you have to decide. Here are some steps to consider —-
5 Steps To Improve How You Care For Your Loved One Who Has Had A Stroke
Find out what problems exist. Read. Learn. Talk with the rehab doctor and the therapists (OT/PT/SLP) to determine what the initial problems are. If therapy continues in the home, get a good understanding from the therapists on what problems now exist.
Find out how to allow your loved ones to do things they can safely do. Make modifications to the setting and obtain pieces of equipment which can result in them having increased safety and independence. Seek advice from OT/PT to guide you.
Listen to your body. Take care of yourself. Avoid injury to yourself by learning proper body mechanics to use when helping them.
Built a support team. What family members, friends, organizations are available to help? Learn to reach out to others and to delegate tasks to others. You can not do it all.
Invest time in other relationships that are important to you. Avoid dedicating your entire life to your loved one. Make time for your needs. Doing this improves how you are able to show up to care for your loved one.
Bottom Line:
As a caregiver, if your loved one has had a stroke, how much help they will need can vary greatly. It can range from them requiring no assistance with care, to requiring more care than one person can offer. Do your homework by learning about your loved one’s strengths and weaknesses. Be realistic about what you can do. Just because you can’t do it all, doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it just means you can’t do it all. Find what will work. Explore options of support, explore different settings. Determine what will work for you that will allow for you to care for them and take care of yourself. No guilt.
Consuela Marshall, Occupational Therapist, Caregiver Coach
THERE IS ALSO A PODCAST!
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Visit the consult page of the website, find out how to schedule a free 20 minute consult to discuss in more depth your caregiving challenge and learn how to receive help developing a caregiving plan specific for your needs.
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Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.