You must include YOU in the caregiving plan.

You must include YOU in the caregiving plan.

You may say, “What caregiving plan?  I don’t have a plan, I just do it. I just take care of my mom, my dad or my spouse.”   Well, yes you do!

Your caregiving plan is what you decide or allow to take place everyday that you interact in your caregiving role.  It is the routine of what transpires day in and day out as you care for your loved one.  That’s the plan.  That’s your plan.

Your caregiving plan is:

1. What tasks are being performed?

2. How are they being performed?

3. How often they are being performed?

4. Who is performing the tasks?

5. Is the outcome positive for me as well as my loved one?

Now think about it again.  What is your caregiving plan?

There is a quote, some sources credit Lewis Carroll, other sources dispute him as author:

“If you don’t know where you’re going,

any road will take you there.”

A commentary regarding this quote stated:

"If you don't have goals, your strategy can be anything and you'll succeed at reaching every goal you did not set."

I love this commentary because it describes to a tee what occurred in my life as caregiver for my mom.

So to remind you of my story, my mom had several stokes and eventually moved in with me and my family.  All I wanted to do was to take care of her, to do whatever I could to make her comfortable and to make sure her needs were met.

And like most “I’m-gonna-save-the-world” daughters, I did it all.  And as an occupational therapist, I did even more than average.  I felt that it was my opportunity to show how much I loved my mom by doing every occupational therapy technique I had in my toolbox.

I didn’t have a clear plan of how I was going to integrate caring for my mom into my life while taking into account my responsibilities, wants and needs.  Quickly the focus was mainly on my mom’s needs.

And soon I was becoming very successful at achieving goals I didn’t set. The goals were

--anger, bitterness, resentfulness, burnout, etc.

All because I did not include ME —my needs, my desires, self-care into the plan.  I was soon in over my head. Statistics show that roughly 4 in 10 (38%)  of family caregivers find their situation highly stressful.

https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregiver-statistics-health-technology-and-caregiving-resources/

So let’s ask the question again:  Are you included in your caregiving plan? Do you make space in your caregiving day to nurture your needs and the needs of your spouse, your children?  Or do these important relationships have to settle for what little part of what is left of your time and energy at the end of each day?

Let’s change that!  Let’s start to rewrite the blueprint of your caregiving plan!  Take a look at these steps to guide you into restructuring  your day to allow for you to come priority.

8 Ways To Develop A Caregiving Plan Which Includes Your Needs

1. List those activities and relationships that are important to you. What time frames, days, events are of the utmost importance that you maintain? Include these on your schedule. Yes, you may have to modify the frequency or be creative, but keep them present.

2. Respect your physical and mental limitations. Also know the physical and mental limitations of your loved one. Learn about the diagnosis, make observations.

3. Allow your loved one to do the things they are capable of doing themselves. Make the changes in the environment and obtain safety equipment that will enhance their independence and safety.

4. Establish a schedule, a routine that brings order to your day. Set clear times of engagement. Learn which tasks are urgent and what tasks are simply “wants” of your loved one. You do not have to be at the beck and call for your loved one.

5. Find ways of freeing up time. Hire caregivers. Use online grocery shopping and delivery services. Delegate tasks to others.

6. Surround yourself with positive people. Surround yourself with caregivers who are doing it well, even during the hard times, they learn how to rebound, how to regroup, rewrite a portion of the caregiving plan and move on. Things will not always be easy, but when you isolate yourself you will feel defeated.

7. Know when it is time to look at other caregiving options. Are you emotionally or physically drained? Is the level of care greater than what you can handle? Is it time for longterm care placement?

8. Live your life. Get away. Separate from caregiving. Life will be different during the various stages of caregiving but you must make the time and effort to engage in tasks that are meaningful to you. Your life matters.

Bottom Line:

As a caregiver, don’t make the mistake of putting your entire life on the back burner as you care for your loved one.  It is easy to do when you erroneously think that taking care of your loved one is the only thing that matters.  Remember, you are important.  You must put your needs first.  When you take care of yourself, this allows you to better take care of your loved one.

Consuela Marshall, Occupational Therapist, Caregiver Coach

THERE IS ALSO A PODCAST!

Listen to the corresponding podcast that is available on the FindingAFoothold.com website and on all major podcast streaming sites.

Visit  FindingAFoothold.com. Call the call-in line to tell your caregiving challenge and receive a free response to your struggle on an upcoming podcast show. The call in button is located on the website.

Visit the consult page of the website, find out how to schedule a free 20 minute consult to discuss in more depth your caregiving challenge and learn how to receive help developing a caregiving plan specific for your needs.

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Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.