Dad doesn’t want daughter to help in bathroom
Jenna wants to know:
She has moved in with dad, to assist with his care. Dad walks with a cane but is able to dress and feed himself. Jenna suspects that dad is beginning to have difficulty with toileting but he refuses to allow Jenna into the bathroom.
“He locks the bathroom door and says ‘I’m ok, I don’t need any help’ whenever I ask if everything is alright in there. I can hear a lot of commotion and I am very concerned that he is going to fall.”
Jenna admits she stands outside the bathroom door holding her breath, wondering what is going on. Jenna wants to know what she can do.
Jenna has good reason to be concerned that her dad may fall. In the United States, 20-30% of people over the age of 65 who live at home will experience a fall each year. Of these falls, approximately 50% will occur in the bathroom.
And like Jenna, I also had concerns about my mom’s falls risks in the bathroom and knew that something needed to be done, that I could wait until a fall happened first.
3 Steps To Improve Dad’s Bathroom Safety.
Have that awkward conversation with him.
Having awkward conversations are never fun, but sometimes they're necessary. It can be embarrassing, but it can prevent more serious conversations that will be needed if a fall happens and an injury occurs. Gently discuss that you never thought you would find yourself having a conversation with your father about his bathroom habits, but it’s important that the talk happens in order to keep him safe.
I remember having to rehearse in the mirror how to bring up toileting conversations with my mom, practicing how to word things so that feelings are not hurt.
Take a look at how bathroom tasks are done while dad is fully dressed.
Do a practice run. Observe dad as he sits down onto the toilet and stands back up and again and how he “pretends” to unfasten and pull pants up and down.
• Look to see if he struggles to control how he sits or difficulty standing back up from toilet.
• Look for signs of grimacing which may be signs of pains in hips, knees, back when standing from toilet.
• Look to see if he is pulling up on surfaces to help stand from toilet — toilet paper holder, towel bars, sink, etc.
• Check for tripping hazards on floor.
Make changes in bathroom to increase safety.
• If toilet too low, increase height of toilet by placing a bedside commode frame or a toilet riser with armrest over the existing toilet.
• Grab bars may need to be added if loss of balance occurring when pulling up/down clothes.
• Remove throw rugs from floor which may be tripping hazards.
• Gently mention incontinence and the use of disposable undergarments to prevent clothes or floor from becoming wet.
• Place incontinence products in bathroom for use.
Bottom line:
If you are suspecting some safety concerns, you are probably right. It is very natural for there to be some awkwardness about a daughter assisting a dad with toileting needs, but it can be conquered over time. You must be proactive at coming up with a solution. These suggestions do not work for everyone but are a place to start. Hiring a caregiver —a male caregiver may be needed if dad continues to be resistant to assistance from a daughter. Ultimately, the goal is to find a solution that will allow him to maintain his independence as much as possible while also keeping him safe.
Jenna, I hope this helps. Thanks for calling in. Thank you for caring for your dad!
Consuela
Disclaimer: The podcast and blog are intended to provide basic information so that you can become a more informed caregiver. The information presented is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or replace consultation with any health care providers you regularly engage with. Transmission or receipt of any of this information is not intended to, and does not, create a therapist-patient relationship. This information is not provided in the course of a therapist-patient relationship and is not intended to constitute medical advice or to substitute for obtaining medical advice from a physician or therapist licensed in the state where your family may reside. We encourage everyone to consult with your physician or therapist to see if they are appropriate and safe for you.